Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
