Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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