Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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