Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need a beard to bite.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
