I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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