It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
