i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
