he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I supernannyed him into submission
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
