Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
