i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
