I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
