Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
