She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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