Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
