no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You made out with two different species that night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
