This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
operation have a gay friend backfired
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
