Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
