The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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