How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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