Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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