i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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