You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
