Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
