Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
