You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sarcasm needs its own font
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
