So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
