My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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