His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
