And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
