They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
