Already got asked if we're dating
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
