I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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