In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
