M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
