So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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