how can u be prego again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
