Farmville is her only friend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
