i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
