so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
