Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
