i was born a porn star she said
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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