...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
