it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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