Im at strip club and am horny
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
