is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
