i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
