I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
