My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
