Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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