there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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