Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
