He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
