So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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