found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
