I wish my penis had an off switch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
