the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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