I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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