Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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