the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
where am i from again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
